He Was There

The last time I saw him he was passed out on the couch after a night out of drinking on the one evening I came to visit at the end of college last year. The last time I talked to him, before this, he was spiraling downward in a negative way.

and yesterday he happened to call at the exact moment my heart was hurting and my eyes were full of tears. He was there. For the first time in many years, he was there for me in a way that went beyond finacial abilities and functional resources. he listened to me cry, almost as if in some ways i was the little girl again able to run back into her daddy's arms. he let me cry out all of my tears, and then he said he loved me. and that it'd be okay. and he offered help and advice in the only way he could. while offering to help my find a psycologist wasn't exactly the right answer, it was sweet in its own way because it showed me that he cared and he wanted to do anything in his power to ease my heart. it made me laugh and endeared my heart. not a normal father and daughter interaction, but a precious moment. in that second my dad wanted to protect me from the heart ache and do anything in his power to stop it. he was my dad. and he was there. it was even sweeter then when he called my sister after we got off the phone and told her she should call me and make sure that i was okay. again, not typical, but endearing, he loves me so much he reached beyond the ways he could comfort me, and reigned in my family. in the end his motive was pure, he wanted/needed to make sure i'd be okay.

then he called tonight. he called to make sure i was doing better and to remind me that he loved me and was there for me. he called to make sure my sister talked to me. he told me that fear is really false evidence appearing real and that we put way to high expectations on ourselves. he told me that i was an exceptional girl, and was doing so well. he didn't have to write it out this time, in one of the only ways hes ever been able to express himself to me, he was able to tell me.

he was there.