I know a lot of my posts have been very reflective on life lately and about my journey, but you're just going to have to understand that thats where I am right now. This year, according to my human growth and development class, I officially entered the transition period between "identity vs. identity confusion" and "intimacy vs. isolation" or in Havighursts theory "adolescence" vs. "early adult hood." Basically, I'm growing up. I'm becoming pretty concrete in my identity (vs. the confusing mess that is high school) and starting to enter the joys of "adult hood." But with that transition comes reflection. A TON of reflection. of whats important to me in life. what my goals for the future are. am I living the life i've imagined. how did I get here. am I making choices that actively make me happy. why am i choosing what i am choosing in life.

Yet, in the midst of all this I'm finally starting to feel sound in where I'm at. I'm finally starting to establish my own home life in Florida. to make my own traditions (sunday night home cooked dinners by tricia and heidi, grays anatomy thursday night roomie dates). to develope my own sense of family and "belonging" outside of crystal lake. to learn how to study, and work, and play. to find joy at staying home on the weekends and watching movies and eating ice cream (even if some nights its by myself). this year I am mostly learning that I don't have to completely forget all of the things i love at home just because I'm at school. I'm starting to blend the worlds. I have children that I nanny for, families that I'm around, and I'm starting to ground myself in my church. I'm actively creating the life I want to live.

And while it's not easy at times to live on my own, and be away from my family and friends, I can do this. I can grow up. I am growing up. In the end I know I will look back on the years and see all the gifts I recieved because I decided to take some time and live on my own (realizing how important family is and how much i want to live near them in the future, being grateful for the amazing friends that I have and understanding the true time it takes to build long lasting friendships, never again complaining about the winter or living up north, and much more that I'm sure I'll slowly grasp as these last two and a half years of college breeze by). God is constantly finding me everyday, and helping me do all this.

So here I am.

"She's only 19. A young woman to the world but still a little girl at heart. She's stuck in the middle, trying to act her age and have fun at the same time. She's trying to achieve her goals but not get too stressed. She's trying to fall in love while trying to be independent at the same time. Learning to fly out into the world on her own while deep down inside she just wants her daddy's arms wrapped around her. She's trying to smile through it all, even through the pain. She's seen her friends and family get hurt and she's even seen some of them die but she keeps her faith in God. She can't wait to grow up but, in a way, she's already there. She's only 19; so young, but not."

Quote for the Day

"If you're not actively involved in getting what you want, you don't really want it."
- Peter McWilliams

more thoughts to come, check back later

I Need to Practice my German

Oh, das tut mir lied aber I need to practice my deutsche.

Ich studiere um Universitat in Miami. Ich bin Amerikaner studentin. Ubrigens, Ich habe die klasse deutsche oft. Ich habe die klasse piano selten. Du hast die klasse piano auch? Dann, ich gehe Statistics. Ich habe statistics zemlich oft. Statistics ist hasslich und schlecht. Das wetter in Miami ist sehr sehr schon, oder wunderschon. Typisch, es ist heisse und es regnet und es ist sonnig immer. Nie es schneit. Miami hat viel touristen und touristinnen. Der touristen sind freundlich und immer hoflich miteinander. Ich spiele mit kinder am der tag, nicht der nacht. Ich gehe da night das kinder kommen heir. Ich spiele mit das kinder draussen.

Entershuldigung, i have to run! ubrigens, abeite im moment, und ich in eile!

Gute abend!

You Get What you Ask For

"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves.

When our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little. When we arrive safley because we have sailed too close to shore, Disturb us, Lord."

- Sir Francis Drake -

Rock it Out

Nothing makes a good day then finally getting to the gym, and then continue to come home and rock it out to the "pop teen artist" Hannah Montana.

"Sometimes I'm in a jam, I've gotta make a plan. It might be crazy, I do it anyway. No way to know for sure, I'll figure out a cure. I'm patching up the holes. And then it overflows. If I'm not doing to well, why be so hard on myself. Nobody's perfect, I've gotta work it, again and again till I get it right. Nobody's perfect, you live and you learn it. And if I mess it up sometimes, nobody's perfect."

Sometimes a girls just gotta have fun!

I couldn't think of a better way to welcome the dawn then a trip to the music practice rooms and teaching myself how to play Amazing Grace on the piano.

Although, I had to throw a little "oh when the saints go marching in" in there too for some little extra spunk : )

Thursday Jokes: to keep you going

Right about now school starts to set in full force! So we need a laugh every once in while.

This Education

the new knowledge recently added since starting sophomore year:

• guten morgan! wie geht es dire? Serh gut, danke. Ich heisse Heidi. Wohnt komme aus Chicago. Wo wohne in Miami jetzi. Ich habe im Oktober Gebutstag. Ich bin fit, intelligent, und ich bin guter launde. tshusse!
• how to develope film in a dark room
• enough piano skills to play "Give my Regards to Broadway
• human growth and development taught me that I come from a "dysfuntional family," but then again who doesn't : ).... also Healthy People 2010 (USA initiviate for health)
• how to properly constract a frequency distribution and calculate z scores
• and most importantly: when when a person gets very very very scared they sometimes have the possiblity of peeing in their pants (you see it all has to do with the auntomic sympathetic part of the nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the "fight or flight" reaction and sets the body into motion. When that happens the bladder muscles relax and the sphincer holds. However, when the frightening situation is over the parasympthetic nervous system kicks and and that causes the bladder muscles to contract, therefore the emptying of the bladder. One might also note that Inow am aware of the receptors located in our nervous system synpases.

Just thought I'd give you some morning education!