The Story of My Life

A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum

A girl riding a bike while wearing high heels provided some laughter on my way to class this morning. I couldn't help but giggle. and think. doesn't riding a bike with high heels pose some problems? Isn't she scared about getting the high heel stuck in the foot pedal, or what if she has to stop suddenly; would the high heel fall off? Is it really that important to wear high heels to class in the first place?

Yes ladies, I understand classyness is important. But come on. Even though we live in miami... we still just wake up and go to class everyday. We're college students. High Heeled pointy foot wear is not a prerequiste for principles of chemistry 2.

Only in miami.....

Feelings of "Domesticity"

For some reason this weekend I'm feeling rather domestic; like I just want to hunker down with an apron or hot glue gun somewhere and play.

The results of such a weekend:

- painting the family room wall in my new apartment at school

- buying fake gerber daisies for my bedroom

- making banana bread

- searching endlessly for a valentines day wreathe for the front door (but still coming up empty handed)

I think this all is just an instinct reaction to change. When my enviroment is constantly up and down and up and down and up and up again, the only way I can de-stress and still have fun is by "nesting." and you know what, I kinda like this part of me :) yet again, it makes me unique

- the semester just started up, which provides for my absense

one of my goals for this spring 08: to put myself out there, try things that i really want to do that are outside of my comfort zone, things i don't think I can do.

what i've done

- picked up chm2 as an elective (which is quite a feet seeing as how thats something I just never gave myself the credit that I could do. I convinced myself so heavily that it was just too much for me. But i finally took down that lie, took a deep breathe, and said "you know what, I am smart enough to take this class."

- went to a random night worship session by the lake with random people

- went to the first Inspiration Concert Choir rehersal. So it's basically a black gospel choir on campus, and I was the only white girl there. but it was awesome! put me in a completely different enviroment. and my heart felt so refreshed to be branching out.

lesson learned: swallow that voice that says no, just stay where your comfortable, don't wander out.... and just push yourself to go to the first meeting, sign up for the class, ect. you're not commiting to it. But you can't say no until you've given it a chance.

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview
of life's coming attractions."

- Albert Einstein

My life has been marked. It's been crossed through by a dad who could never get it together all the time to be my dad. I just want to be the little girl, but I feel like I never really get to play that part. He was supposed to come and help me move in today. And he didn't come. And I can't keep my heart from jumping to where is he, is he okay? And I worry about things that I'm to young to worry about. That the little girl shouldn't have to worry about.

My heart breaks, and my mom says heidi it can't break you have to realize its already broken. my heart is broken and my life is scarred. and it hurts deeper to know that in his true heart and mind he is hurting more than I am right now. You see, my dads a great guy. and thats the part thats hard. cuz he has been there sometimes and he has taken care of me sometimes. it'd be a lot easier to not care about him if he was mean and unkind all the time. but i've gotten to glimpse at his real soul. he's my dad and I know who he truely is deep down inside, and he's a great guy.

but then days like today happen, where i'm dissapointed and let down, and reminded all again about the rawness of pain and what real life is. it hurts just as much every time, i wish i could say it gets better, but its just the same open wound. it only takes less time to heal after being opened again.

and so my first night in my apartment is christened with tears and kleenexes and a heart that is and already has been broken for a long time.

but from this pain, this raw heart, this place is how i want to love the world. this is real life. and while its one of the hardest places to sit, its also one of the true and most honest places to sit. on this level people's hearts and souls can be combined with passion. Lord use this rawness in my life to help heal others. amen

My favorite smell

Nothing beats the smell of dew, mud, trees, and wetness of everything defrosting.

After spending about 3 weeks in the "frozen tundra" that is my home town (where the temperature fell well below -5 degress on most mornings) I began to remember why I enjoy going to school in the sunshine state.

But then the weather changed. All of a sudden the temperature rose up to about 60 degrees, and while the day is still cloudy and very wet, I am drawn not to leave. I become captivated by simply stepping out of my front door and am enticed by the aroma I call "midwestern spring." It's the smell of forests. The smell of trees and grass. The smell of fresh mud. The smell of cloudy days. The smell when everything is finally able to breathe again after being covered by the snow for so many weeks.

We don't have that smell in florida. Nothing even comes close to it. And while I know that the days are bound to get cold once more, that spring isn't really on its way just yet, I don't want to go back to school. I want to stay and slip on my rain boots and splash in the mud.

Reason number 1 why I can't live in florida after college.

I'm simply a midwestern girl... who loves the smell of the forest

"So maybe sometimes this isn't your time in life to be the happiest you've ever been, maybe it's your time in life to grow the most you've ever grown."

Only My Family

My mom, aunt, and I went for a cold hike out in the snowy woods today. As we climbed up the hill I looked down and noticed something orange appearing out from underneathe the snow. How odd, I smiled and said, to see something so bright admist all this white. So I bent down and realized it was an actual orange, as in a fruit. I threw it at my mom as a joke, only for her to catch it and say "well it just must be our lucky day. Finding an orange in the woods is a good luck sign for the new year :) we should eat it." And so we continued to hike as she peeled and opened our hidden fruit.
As we continued on a tad bit further a fellow cross country skier was headed straight our way to pass us. My mom smiles and waves and greets her, "goodmorning, we sure hope you didn't just drop an orange because we just found one and are eating it." The woman laughs to herself and replies, "well in fact I did just drop an orange about 15 minutes ago when I fell down and took a spill it must have fallen out of my pocket. And I said to myself I won't finish this ski until I find that orange." My mom laughs and offers her one piece of the finger malled orange, thanks her for the treat, and we continue our hike.
What are the chances. Out of the handful of people that were hiking in the woods today, that someone would find her orange, pick it up, and eat it. What are the chances that someone would actually come back and look for the orange we found? What are the chances our paths would cross?
Yes, I was slightly embarrased. But you have to admit, it sure is a cute funny story!