La Dolce Vita

I know a lot of my posts have been very reflective on life lately and about my journey, but you're just going to have to understand that thats where I am right now. This year, according to my human growth and development class, I officially entered the transition period between "identity vs. identity confusion" and "intimacy vs. isolation" or in Havighursts theory "adolescence" vs. "early adult hood." Basically, I'm growing up. I'm becoming pretty concrete in my identity (vs. the confusing mess that is high school) and starting to enter the joys of "adult hood." But with that transition comes reflection. A TON of reflection. of whats important to me in life. what my goals for the future are. am I living the life i've imagined. how did I get here. am I making choices that actively make me happy. why am i choosing what i am choosing in life.

Yet, in the midst of all this I'm finally starting to feel sound in where I'm at. I'm finally starting to establish my own home life in Florida. to make my own traditions (sunday night home cooked dinners by tricia and heidi, grays anatomy thursday night roomie dates). to develope my own sense of family and "belonging" outside of crystal lake. to learn how to study, and work, and play. to find joy at staying home on the weekends and watching movies and eating ice cream (even if some nights its by myself). this year I am mostly learning that I don't have to completely forget all of the things i love at home just because I'm at school. I'm starting to blend the worlds. I have children that I nanny for, families that I'm around, and I'm starting to ground myself in my church. I'm actively creating the life I want to live.

And while it's not easy at times to live on my own, and be away from my family and friends, I can do this. I can grow up. I am growing up. In the end I know I will look back on the years and see all the gifts I recieved because I decided to take some time and live on my own (realizing how important family is and how much i want to live near them in the future, being grateful for the amazing friends that I have and understanding the true time it takes to build long lasting friendships, never again complaining about the winter or living up north, and much more that I'm sure I'll slowly grasp as these last two and a half years of college breeze by). God is constantly finding me everyday, and helping me do all this.

So here I am.

"She's only 19. A young woman to the world but still a little girl at heart. She's stuck in the middle, trying to act her age and have fun at the same time. She's trying to achieve her goals but not get too stressed. She's trying to fall in love while trying to be independent at the same time. Learning to fly out into the world on her own while deep down inside she just wants her daddy's arms wrapped around her. She's trying to smile through it all, even through the pain. She's seen her friends and family get hurt and she's even seen some of them die but she keeps her faith in God. She can't wait to grow up but, in a way, she's already there. She's only 19; so young, but not."